What God Has For Me Read online

  “I’m ready to be more than a big brother to her and an uncle to her children,” he confessed.

  Michael whistled and shook his head. They had met for lunch to go over procedures prior to the grand opening of Michael’s Baer Electronics store franchise. “I don’t know how you did it. That had to be hard to watch the woman you wanted to be with, live with another man.”

  “Not really, she was in a committed relationship when I met her, but I could tell at your wedding that she was preoccupied. When she thought all the focus was on the bride and groom, I watched her expression. She wore the bridesmaid dress and smiled, but her mannerism showed her heart wasn’t in it.” In hindsight, Zachary’s suspicion was spot on. She was distracted because she wasn’t happy in her own relationship.

  “I don’t know, man,” Michael had objected. “Halcyon is still getting her head together. Desi told me that Scott really did a number on her emotionally.” He paused and seemed to be deep in thought. It took a waitress delivering their lunch to pull him out. “You know, bro, it’s funny how life’s path to happiness can’t always be mapped out. Look at me.” He paused and patted his chest. “You and I had perfect role models in our parents until they were killed in that car accident—solid marriage. I never imagined I would be an unfaithful husband until I closed my spiritual eyes to Satan’s seduction.” Gritting his teeth, Michael shook his head, evidently reliving the memories that despite the reconciliation were still painful to discuss.

  Zachary nodded his understanding, then bowed to say grace. “Lord, thank You for this food we are about to receive. We ask that You would bless and sanctify it in Jesus’ name. Please provide for those who are hungry and I thank you for my little brother. Amen.”

  Michael looked up and grinned. “Amen. It’s good having a big bro, too.” He took the first bite into his hamburger and moaned.

  “You know, your infidelity did surprise me. The Holland sisters are special and classy ladies. I don’t want to see anybody mess over them, including my brother.”

  Grabbing his glass of soda, Michael grunted, then took a sip. “Who you tellin’? My jaw is still aching from when you took a swing.”

  How could Zachary forget his reaction to his brother’s confession that he had cheated. “Yeah, you deserved that, considering you had lost your mind. I’m glad Jesus restored it and your marriage, but Scott won’t have that chance.”

  “Let’s get back to you and Halcyon. What man in his right mind would hold out hope for a woman who is living with a man, when you have so many other women vying for your attention—your employees, church sisters, social circle?”

  “When you put it that way, you make me sound as if I were pining for a married woman, which Halcyon was not. If a man doesn’t give a woman a ring, there is no commitment.” To Zachary’s ears, his reasoning sounded weak, but Halcyon had his heart twisted up in knots from the beginning. He dipped a fry into the ketchup on his plate. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t dated, searching to see if there was actually someone else. “Plus, I don’t believe every relationship in our lives is a perfect fit, whether it is work-related, family or the opposite sex. After you married Desi and once I got to know Halcyon at family gatherings—that Scott never attended—I could see she was in the wrong relationship.”

  Zachary took a few more bites, then wiped his mouth. “What does the verse in first Corinthians say? Love is long suffering, kind, not boastful, nor behaves shamefully, and on and on. As far as Bridget”—preferring to use her middle name as an endearment—“is concerned, I’ve fulfilled verses four through seven. Although I didn’t pray for things to turn out the way they have between her and Scott, he had four years to do the right thing, but I’m not rejoicing at the outcome either because she and the babies are the causalities.”

  “And there’s more.” Michael dabbed his mouth and sat back.

  Not liking the manner in which his brother said that, Zachary braced himself, selfishly praying that Scott and Halcyon had not reconciled. If so, he was done hoping, waiting and praying for her. “What?”

  “I overheard Halcyon tell her sisters that Scott got married a while back.”

  “Wow.” Zachary whistled. He hadn’t expected that. The man in him wanted to pump his fist in the air for sweet victory, but his heart sank, knowing the news had to really hurt her.

  “There’s more. Get this, to a woman with a son. Go figure.”

  “Yikes.” Zachary was quickly losing his appetite. “That had to crush her, but I’m here to help her recover.”

  “I’ll be praying for you.” Michael lifted his glass for a toast, and Zachary clicked it. “At least Desi and I were on the same level as far as attraction was concerned. Halcyon may not even like you in that way.”

  Zachary would not be swayed as he summoned the waitress for their check. “She will. Trust me. Halcyon Bridget Holland is mine.”

  Chapter 2

  Life goes on, Halcyon thought, recalling memories of her first official “Mommy’s Day Out” that had occurred six weeks after she had delivered Ashanti. Her Granny Rose had started the tradition when her mother had her older sister, Tracey. Then Sarah Holland did the honors when Tracey had her firstborn son, Halcyon had been next, and now it was Desi’s hoopla.

  That had been an incredible moment when she had embraced motherhood for the first time. Halcyon’s heart had been filled with so many dreams of a perfect life with the man she had loved. That bubble burst.

  She pushed those depressing thoughts aside. Once again, three generations of Holland women gathered for brunch at Mother’s Heart, a boutique restaurant that catered to new mothers, to celebrate Desi’s milestone as a new mother.

  “Do you know how long I have waited for this moment?” Judging from the grin on Desi’s face, they all knew the answer. Her sister looked as if she could barely contain herself.

  “Yes, we do.” Their mother rolled her eyes in jest. “Minutes after you delivered MJ, mention of “Mommy’s Day Out” popped up here and there as if we were going to forget.”

  The Holland sisters chuckled as Desi blushed. Granny Rose slid the long gift box toward Desi. It was the keepsake gift for MJ to pass on to his firstborn son.

  “Ooh.” Desi meticulously tore open the wrapping to reveal the blue handkerchief embroidered with “Favorite Great Grandson.” Tracey’s two sons got the same “unique” gift, but Desi seemed to play along as if she had never seen anything so beautiful before.

  “Mom, that makes three favorites by now,” Sarah teased her mother.

  “And your point is?” Granny Rose huffed with a smile. “Since they all belong to me, they’re all my favorite. It’s a great-grandmother’s prerogative.”

  They all laughed at Granny Rose’s antics as other gifts followed. Halcyon laughed on cue with the others, but she prayed for her baby sister’s happiness as she struggled with her own shattered dreams. At least Tracey and Desi had been married when they had their children. Leave it to the middle child to buck the system. But the Holland women were a special breed she wouldn’t trade for anything. When Ashanti was born out of wedlock, none of them ever made her feel ashamed. They seemed to shower her with an extra dose of love.

  Granny Rose had whispered something in Halcyon’s ear that day and she never had forgotten it. “Every little girl deserves a good daddy and every woman deserves a good man,” Granny Rose had said with a hug.

  Her grandmother had mastered the art of chastening someone with the sweetest spirit. Halcyon had braced for a tongue lashing on how she was living in sin with Scott, but it never came.

  “I never thought I would be this happy,” Desi said, glowing, invading Halcyon’s thoughts of the past. She snapped to attention.

  More personalized gifts followed from her mother, Tracey and then Halcyon. Since no babies were allowed, the women were free to chat and indulge in the teacakes, gourmet sandwiches, and platters of fruit.

  They were all having a good time until Desi checked the time. “Well, I’ve been away from m
y baby long enough.”

  “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to miss your little one.” Their mother chuckled. “Tracey still holds the record for the shortest Mommy’s Day Out. Although Halcyon was playing it cool, I know she was bursting at the seams to get back to Ashanti.”

  “And my daughter should talk,” Granny Rose interrupted. “I had to drag her out the house to take some time for herself.”

  So another round of tattle tales began. The conversation bounced from one topic to another until Desi became sober. “I can’t believe I stood in divorce court boo-hooing in Michael’s arms. My heart was so torn back then, but MJ is evidence of what God had for us, if we were faithful to His promises. The Lord is good.”

  “Yes, to some people,” Halcyon mistakenly said out loud what she was thinking. She shrugged. “Well, anyway, I guess that is what I get for not being faithful to Christ. If for nothing but sweet wish revenge, I wish Scott had come chasing after me, asking for my forgiveness, wanting to work through our issues… yada, yada, yada, so I could have made his life miserable...”

  “Baby, wishing misfortune on someone else could hinder your blessing,” Granny Rose warned.

  Halcyon nodded. “I know, but Scott turned around and married a chick with her own child instead of staying with the woman who had borne his children.” She frowned. “I can’t figure it out. Wasn’t that a slap in the face, a punch in the gut, and a kick in the side. More than once I asked myself what was wrong with me.”

  “Nothing!” Her mother interjected. “He was not the one for you.” Sarah hmphed. “Now, don’t turn this into a pity party.”

  “I’m not trying to, Momma, and I’m sorry, Desi.” She sniffed. “But when I’m around this much happiness, I want it too, but in hindsight, I realize I went about it the wrong way. I’m the one who flirted with Scott, and chased him and tried to convince him what a good catch I was. I thought I was in love with him and didn’t have patience for his feelings to catch up with me. I’m the one who sabotaged our relationship, desperate for his love, by getting pregnant.”

  “Sometimes we don’t think clearly when it’s our first love… I still think you should file for child support,” Tracey stated, which is what her sister did after she and her husband broke up. But as Halcyon watched the drama unfold between Tracey and her ex, she thought her sister had put too much effort in making him do the right thing: pay child support, show up when it was time for visitation; take an interest in his sons and countless other offenses.

  “I already forced myself on him, I’m not about to force his affections for his own children and have him reject them too. I’m taking a class online to finish my accounting degree. Plus, I accepted a part time job in the evenings until something better comes along. My son and daughter will be okay.”

  It seemed just her luck that while she was on maternity leave and coping with the realization that she was on her own, her company downsized. The severance package was more than generous, but when it ran out, Halcyon started job hunting, but without that degree, she wasn’t qualified for what she had essentially done for six years.

  Coming up with a Plan B, Halcyon accepted an overnight four hour shift at UPS. It marked another fall from grace: from behind a desk at Frankel & Sons with a marvelous view overlooking downtown, to a windowless, dingy hangar-size warehouse with half the pay.

  Plan B was worth it. At least she would have a medical and dental benefits package for her children. All her decisions now were based solely on the happiness and welfare of Ashanti and Jonathan. She could be at home with them during the day, take an afternoon nap with them and get them in the bed before she headed to work. They were in good hands with her sister and mother at home.

  “Things will get better, baby,” her mother patted Halcyon’s hand. “The right man will walk into your life and everything will change.

  Halcyon shivered. “I don’t want to think about another man, especially around my children. If you and Tracey can go solo, so can I,” she said, then folded her arms.

  “Hold on. I had a good marriage with your father, and I’m glad you had a chance to see how a real man treats a lady. God just didn’t give Harold and me enough time together.” Sarah’s eyes watered and she turned away. “But for the time we shared, it was worth it.”

  Their mother had tried to duplicate the love she shared with her first husband when she remarried. But that ended after the first hit. Sarah hadn’t been ashamed to file for divorce and told them that a real man doesn’t hit a woman.

  “Hey, this is supposed to be ‘about me’ day,” Desi teased.

  That quenched Halcyon’s bad mood. “You’re right. Sorry, sis.” She offered a genuine smile.

  “Not a problem. I’m praying for your happiness, and a real man, but this may be a good time to return to church and start over spiritually,” Desi hinted

  “That’s right,” Granny Rose jumped in at the mention of anything that included a church.

  Although she no longer dabbled in fornication, Halcyon saw no need to start going back to church. “I’ve got years of repenting to do before I even think about stepping one heel in church, and as for a man, I’m done. Scott’s wife doesn’t have to worry about any baby mama drama from me. I’m sure no man who may be interested in me wants to deal with any baby daddy drama either.”

  “It sounds like you’re trying to talk yourself into happiness, and it doesn’t work that way,” Tracey reached over and patted her hand. “Although it’s true that a good man is hard to find, a great woman is no easy catch. That’s the way I look at it now. You’ll get there.”

  “I know. Once I can get over my self-inflicted relationship wounds, I’ll be fine. I just have my moments.” Halcyon exhaled. “Sorry if I’ve spoiled your “Mommy’s Day Out”.”

  Desi frowned. “Are you kidding me? Nothing could spoil this moment. Besides, we’re here for one another. You’re still hurting and we understand that, but we’ve got your back.” She winked.

  “I need a group hug after that.” Everyone stood and did just that. “Well, I guess we better head home” Halcyon suggested. “I start my first shift tomorrow night and I need to get things done and get accustom to going to bed before the children.”

  ***

  “She what?” Zachary roared over the phone, then composed himself. There was no need to kill the messenger. But he couldn’t believe what his brother was telling him about the position Halcyon had accepted. There were so many things wrong with that scenario that he didn’t bother to voice them. But in his mind, his objections flashed before his eyes.

  First, the woman was too fine and delicate to work in a warehouse environment. Her curves and other assets would definitely be distracting around lust-driven men. Plus, it was the graveyard shift, a time when she should be safe at home with her children.

  Halcyon was a stubborn, proud and determined woman—her granny’s words, not his—but that’s what attracted him to her. Of course, Zachary dated off and on but none of the women captured his heart the way Halcyon had with no effort.

  “Why didn’t she come to me—or you—if she wanted a job?” Zachary snapped. “I’d have created a position just for her. I didn’t even know she was looking.”

  “Desi says she refuses to ask Scott for child support, so I know she needs the money.”

  Scott. Zachary bit his tongue—literally, and that hurt. What kind of man wouldn’t want to take care of his children, especially if he had the means? Scumbag. On the few occasions when Zachary had crossed paths with Scott at family gatherings, he never sensed that the man knew the jewel he had in Halcyon by ignoring her or being concerned in what interested her.

  The way Zachary saw it, Halcyon and Scott were living in two separate worlds under one roof. Although he selfishly cheered when she walked away, Halcyon paid the price with an emotional toll that might have been hidden to others, but he saw it clearly. Zachary had stopped the victory dance and began praying for her that eventually she would open her eye
s and see him in a new light. “If she would let me, I could take care of her and the children.”

  “Really?” Michael said it in a way that Zachary imagined a smart aleck expression on his face. “Have you made a move, yet?”

  “No.” Zachary twisted his lips in frustration. He had hoped Halcyon would have confided in him more about what was going on with her, knowing that he was simply a phone call away. “But timing is everything.”

  “Yeah, and time’s a wastin’. I’ve got a wife and a son that need me,” Michael had the last word as he ended the call.

  The way his brother was attentive to his sister-in-law as if Michael had been on a year long mission trip, one would be surprised to learn they actually worked together every other day at his electronics store.

  So as Zachary stood on the sidelines—again—Halcyon survived her first week, and then the second without any complaints or grumblings. Zachary had to give it to her, he didn’t think he could hang on the graveyard shift, but he knew Halcyon was a determined woman. He loved that about her.

  So Zachary stopped by her house more when he got off work, like this evening. His excuses were to play with the children, bring dinner, and check on his “other” family. Mom Holland never said a word, but her expression hinted that she knew he was up to something, but never asked.

  He hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep on the sofa with Jonathan in his lap and Ashanti huddled under his arm until he felt a nudge.

  “Zach.” The sweet whisper caused his lids to flutter before Halcyon’s soft features came into focus.

  “Hey.” He smiled and she smiled back. That’s when he noticed what she was wearing, fitted jeans and an oversized jacket over a nice T-shirt. She brought casual to a whole new level. The baseball cap with her ponytail looped through the back opening made her look youthful.